March 1st, 2016


(no subject)

I had a dream where I moved into an apartment that was far better and larger than this one. Then I had to move away from there for reasons unknown, and I had to move into my old childhood home, the one where I lived between ages 10 and 19, and my parents were angry at me and my brother was worse than he usually is.
I had another dream that resembled the animated Studio Ghibli movie Howl’s Moving Castle. I was a poor beggar girl who was adopted by an old woman who looked a bit like The Witch of the Waste from the aforementioned movie. In the dream she had two daughters who looked like the characters Anastasia and Drusilla from the Disney movie Cinderella. The mother and her daughters were a bit snarky, but they were all respectful and kind to me, and welcomed me into their family.
It made me think that no matter how tough and hard people may seem, it doesn’t stop them from being loyal and respectful. It reminds me of the DC Comics character Lobo, who is a badass anti- hero but has this rule of conduct where he keeps his promises.

Subconscious is really amazing, it might just dig up some stuff from my memories and make me live them again.

I got up about at eleven o’clock, took my morning medicine and put on a red Marimekko dress with white polka dots.
I looked around at my apartment, and decided that if everything goes well, I never have to move out from here. It’s the first place that actually feels like home after moving out from my childhood home.

Yesterday evening I had decided that today I would go to the social office to apply for income support; I needed a voucher for reloading my travel card and buying two expensive prescription medicines, the anti- psychotic Solian and anti- depressant Cipralex. There’s no way I can afford both the medicine and the travel card on my own.

I logged in to the online bank service, and what do you know, my balance was 64 euros. I had received my weekly allowance today, usually it’s 80 euros but my account had gone about 16 euros below zero because of the usage fees.
Usually I receive the allowance on Wednesdays. I won’t probably receive more money next Wednesday, but I can always pilfer a tenner or two from my mom.

I went to the cash machine in Myyrmanni shopping center, and withdrew 60 euros. I bought a set of five black cotton panties; I had already bought another set about a month ago, so now I have enough of them.

I was on my way to Iso- Myyri shopping center when I ran into Pinky, we hugged each other and then she had to leave because she was in a hurry. I went to Tokmanni and bought another brassiere, right now I have four of them; I need another four, and then I will have enough.

Once home, I put the stuffs to their rightful places. Later my ASPA worker called me and asked if it’s okay that she comes a bit earlier, because one of her clients had cancelled the visit. I said it’s okay.
Later the day she arrived, and brought along a student named Hanna.

We talked a bit about how my life has been, and I requested that we leave a bit earlier because I had some urgent business in the social office. Me and Kaarina agreed to meet again at the same time next Monday.

I went to the social office and used the computer in the waiting room to print out my account statement, then I filled out the application form for income support.

I waited for a while, writing into my diary, and also called a hairdresser in Iso- Myyri shopping center and made an appointment on March 23rd. Later the day I realized it’s the day when I will go see my grandmother for a week; I decided to call her tomorrow and tell her I am coming to see her a week earlier.

A social worker asked me to come to her office. We talked a bit about my situation, then I waited for a while, and then she gave me two coupons, one for buying the two batches of medicine and one for reloading my travel card.

I went to the municipal service point and got my travel card reloaded, I will be able to travel in the metropolitan area until the first of April.
Then I went to the pharmacy and got my medicine. After that, I felt very light- hearted.

I took the bus 411 to Helsinki and then the subway to Kamppi, and went to the eco- market to buy a new cloth panty liner, pink with purple flowers. Right now I have four panty liners, I could start using them. I still need to buy four more of them, so I won’t run out of them too soon before the next laundry day; I prefer having at least eight pairs of each underwear, panties and brassieres and socks and tights and leggings and panty liners, so they will last for a week and a day more.

I took the subway to Hakaniemi, and went to Girls’ House.
I had two cups of cocoa, wrote into my diary, and talked and laughed with the other girls, having a good time.

I walked to the city center and took the P train to Myyrmäki.
Once back home, I washed a load of laundry and dealt my pills into my Dosett.

When I was hanging the clean laundry on to the drying rack, I noticed that one of the spokes was detached from one end. Next time I receive money, I’m going to buy a new drying rack.

Tomorrow I have to be up and about early, because I need to go to the parish to ask if I can get some kind of voucher for getting a membership card to the swim hall in Myyrmäki, and another voucher for getting 25 visits to my gym card.
I know the parish worker whom I call J.P., he has helped me out many times. He’s very friendly and kind, I hope he will understand my situation.

I will also have an appointment with my occupational therapist at two o’clock in the afternoon.
After that, I am going to go see my mother, and then I will go to the Myöhätuuli youth group.
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(no subject)

🌟 It's about five o'clock in the morning, and I have stayed awake all night. The parish will be opened at nine o'clock in the morning, so there's no point in going to sleep anymore, considering that I don't actually feel like sleeping. At least I will have plenty of time to have a proper wash and make myself look representable before going to the parish. Before that, I need to go to the social office and use their computer for printing out my account statement.

💛 I will ask the parish worker to write me a voucher for getting a swimming hall membership card for one year at the local community- owned fitness center. Of course, the actual card costs about five euros, and I also need a passport photo for it. I have a passport photo, and I can ask my mother for a fiver, it won't be too hard. But the year- long membership for discount groups like pensioners and students costs more and that's why I need the voucher.
If I won't receive it, my mother will probably be able to pay for it; she thinks I should get more exercise, and I agree with her.
I might also ask for another voucher, so I can get 25 paid visits to the gym which is in the same center as the swimming hall.

💙 When I went to the social office yesterday, I was told that I might be qualified for monthly income support, because according to the social worker my current income is very small. I should hope so, extra money is always good.

💜 The one thing that helps me save money is that I have an extremely low appetite. Weirdly enough, I don't feel hunger or have any kind of cravings. I still feel physically healthy, and mentally healthy enough.

💚 I have finished knitting the fourth stripe into my scarf, I have already chosen another ball of yarn from Citymarket.

🔵 I have already planned this month financial situation:
on March 15th I will reload my travel card from April 2nd to April 15th, and use the rest of the money to stock up on personal hygiene products from BodyShop and eco- markets like Ekolo and Ruohonjuuri; I need toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo, hand wash, hair conditioner, mouthwash, soap bars, I think that was all.
On March 16th I will buy gifts for a friend who has her birthday party that week.
If I won't receive help from the parish, I will buy the swim hall card and the gym card on March 22nd. If I receive help, I will use this month's welfare for stocking up on the domestic hygiene products.
On March 23rd I will go to the hairdresser's.

🔶 I had planned to go visit my grandmother this month, but I have a friend's birthday party, meditation lessons, and the hairdresser's appointment to attend to. Perhaps I will go see her in April.

🔷 Easter is coming, next time I receive money I am going to buy Easter cards and also some stickers to go with it. I have already decided to send an Easter card to every single friend whose address I have. To them I will send a cute and sweet one, and to my grandmother I will send one with a religious theme, like one with Jesus on a field with lambs, or an angel holding a basket full of daffodils.

🔸 I should take two bills to the social office, return a book or two to the library, and take an empty tube of facial cleaner to the nearest BodyShop for recycling.

(no subject)

I stayed awake for the whole night, which amazed me because I had remembered to take my medicine last evening, about at half past eight o’clock.
I also felt chipper, normally when I stay awake all the way past midnight I don’t exactly feel too chipper; I usually feel like a zombie at that time.
I thought that I will probably feel a bit groggy today, but at least I will have a good sleep the following night. And I can always take a catnap later.

I worked on my blogs, changed my LiveJournal layout into one more spring- themed, and my DreamWidth layout into one more easy to read.
I have changed the name of my English Tumblr journal username from “cheesepussy” to “kittyramone”, it’s less pornographic. And I also changed my Finnish Tumblr journal username from “pallosarvinen” to “pupuankka”. I might change it later, so neither of them will refer to less- known comic characters.
I already changed it to “ruusupuska”, a rose bush in Finnish.

I watched the Doctor Who episode The Doctor’s Wife, and made it halfway to the episode Rebel Flesh.

I heard when my neighbour’s mail slot clattered when they received today’s newspapers.

My smartphone had recharged during the night. I wrote a couple of shopping lists for this month, and also jotted down some important dates into the calendar on my smartphone and my wall calendar.

At six o’clock I put on some fresh clothes and took my morning medicine. I made some coffee.

At quarter past eight o’clock in the morning, the social office was opened. I went there and asked if they mind me using their computer for printing out my account statement, I was told it’s fine.

After printing the aforementioned account statement, I took a train to Louhela. It was only a short walk away, but I was so spaced out that I didn’t feel like walking.

I went to the parish, where I had a talk with J.P. I showed him my account statement, and requested a voucher for purchasing a swim hall membership card for the communal fitness center. I also needed another voucher for reloading the card, so I can go there for a year. And I also needed another to reload my gym membership card, preferably 25 visits so I won’t run out too soon.
I said that it’s important I have an access to the fitness center, because exercising would do me good; I would be able to have a place to go and something to do and meet people, I would fight my depression and anxiety and keep my body healthy.
We talked about it for a moment, and then J.P. said he would contact me later.

I took the P train to Helsinki, I still had some business to do. At first I went to the nearest supermarket to return bottles, and made a euro and ten cents.
Then I went to the library to return three books and then I went to the nearest free bathroom, the one in Kiasma museum. All the coffee I had ingested probably gave me the runs.

I sat on the bog for about half an hour, writing my diary and smelling my own poop.
My smartphone rang, it was J.P. He conducted a plan that I would first try applying for the vouchers at the social office, and if I won’t receive them, then the parish will help me. I think it was reasonable.

I took the tram 3 to Kapteeninkatu, just to see where the KOM theater was. I asked a couple of older women if they knew about it, and they told me it’s right up that street. And so it was. Excellent.

I took the same tram back to the city center and went to the BodyShop in Forum shopping center to recycle an empty bottle of facial wash I had bought from there.
I adore their new product, British Rose. It reminds me of Rose “Bad Wolf” Tyler from Doctor Who.

I visited Ruohonjuuri and made mental plans for stocking up on hygiene products, both domestic & personal.

I took the bus 421 to Raappavuori, on the way there I called my mother and told her I am coming over. She said it’s fine, but she will leave in an hour.

Once in my parents’ home, she had already left. I drank some orange juice and ate cherry tomatoes and cashew nuts.

I took the bus 571 to Myyrmäki, I had an appointment with my occupational therapist at the psychiatric clinic.
Once there, I was so tired I was feeling a bit moody. During the appointment, I had to hand- bind a small notebook, and it was actually easier said than done.
We made a new appointment on next week’s Friday, March 11th at quarter to two o’clock in the afternoon.

I didn’t feel like heading home, so I went to the library to write into my diary.
I was going to the Myöhätuuli hobby group, and I managed to take the bus 311A because it arrived earlier.

Once in the group, Jasmin was there. We made smoothies and talked about our personal problems, it felt really good and refreshing.

About after six o’clock in the evening, I took the bus 571 to Myyrmäki and went home.

Tomorrow I should receive the weekly allowance, I’m not sure because I already received 80 euros on Monday.
If I should receive the money anyway, the first thing to do is to go to Helsinki and see the movie Deadpool. No more fooling around, I will go see it and then I can wait for next week’s payday when I can go see Zoolander 2.
After that, I will go to Horror Shop and pay Sami, the shop owner at least 20 euros as a partial payment for the barbell rings he fitted into the holes in my earlobes.
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