March 15th, 2016


(no subject)

Last night I felt a bit anxious again, it’s not that something bad has happened, it’s just my feelings. I guess it’s something about my blood sugar or the general tiredness I feel in the evening, because my life has been mostly alright so basically I have no reason to be upset.

I watched a bit of the movie Clueless on DVD. I wish I could get my online connection working again, so I could renew my Netflix subscription.

I went to sleep just before midnight. I dreamed about popping my pimples, I actually wished I would grow more pimples on my face so I can squeeze them into oblivion.

I woke up at half past three o’clock in the morning, and felt energetic enough to get up right away because I didn’t feel like sleeping anymore.

I took my morning medicine and dressed into a pair of pink Hello Kitty fleece pants and The Ramones sweater, today I would be going to the meditation class and I have to wear comfortable, loose- fitting clothes for that. Later I changed them into a pair of Care Bears pyjama pants and a grey and black striped blouse, because the rubber band around the waist of the fleece pants was stretched out and my pants were about to fall.

I was wondering if I should hoover the floor, but it’s too early for that, I didn’t want to disturb my neighbours. When you live in an apartment house, you have to be considerate of your neighbours.

I brushed my teeth, drank some coffee and ate chocolate, and did some random odd jobs and housework in my home.
I threw away some old stuff that I don’t use anymore, and also collected a bag of stuff I am going to give away to charity.

About at half past six o’clock I took out the trash and went to the storage room to pump the back tire of my bicycle full of air. I’m glad when spring arrives, I am going to ride my bicycle everywhere.

When the shops were opened, I took a bag of stuff to a charity shop container and went to the shopping center to return bottles.
Once back home, I took two diaries, one old and one new, to the downstairs storage room. I also washed a load of laundry.

Soon my apartment was tidy, and I still felt bored. If my Internet connection would have worked, I would have found it easier to pass time.

I decided to go for an urbane adventure. I took the bus 571 to Tikkurila, then the bus 562 to Mellunmäki, then the subway to Siilitie and another subway to Rastila, then the bus 560 back to Myyrmäki. On the way to Myyrmäki, I called my mother and asked her if it’s okay that I come to visit her and collect the monthly allowance, she said it’s alright.
Once in Myyrmäki, I took the bus 574 to Raappavuori and went home. I collected the 80 euros and attempted to stay out of my mother’s vision so she wouldn’t notice my Care Bears pyjama pants, she doesn’t always approve of my clothing style.
I went to the nearest Ärrä convenience store to recharge my travel card from the second of April to the sixteenth of April. Usually I would have recharged it to the fifteenth day when I receive money, but you can only recharge it for fourteen days at minimum.

I went to Myyrmanni shopping center and visited Citymarket to buy two bottles of iced espresso.
Then I went to the stationery shop to buy a new diary, which is actually a kind of a colouring book. It has blank white and black pages, and few of them are decorated with outlines of flowers you can colour.
I really don’t know what to think of the colouring book fad, I think they’re very nice and interesting but I just get sick of seeing them here and there and everywhere. And I also hate the ones that appropriate cultural or religious symbols.

I also bought ten first class postage stamps. I wish they had more designs, not only red roses and blue violets.
I have taken up the habit of buying ten postage stamps every week, considering how much I like sending cards to people. I have also joined a network called Postcrossing but have yet to send any cards.

I also bought ten Easter cards for my Finnish friends, both the near and the dear ones, and the dear ones that live far away from me. I am going to buy fifteen cards next week; I was thinking about buying ten, but I am going to buy fifteen just to make sure they’re enough.

I felt so hungry I could practically hear my stomach shout for food, so I went to Burger King and ordered three big portions of French fries.

Once back home, I happily nommed on the French fries, drank some iced espressos, and took my new diary to the downstairs storage room.
Then I set to work on the Easter cards, I wrote my address, the receiver’s address, greetings and signatures, and put postage stamps and Priority stickers and the glittery, colorful Easter eggs stickers on them.

When I was in Mellunmäki, I received a phone call from the psychiatric clinic. I was told that today’s appointment was cancelled and moved to tomorrow at eleven o’clock in the morning.

I didn’t find anything special to do, so I looked through my cupboards and drawers to find stuff I could give away to charity. I found a satisfying amount of stuff, and took it to a charity shop container on my way to Myöhätuuli youth group.

The UFF container was stuffed full of clothes, so I couldn’t take the stuff bag there. Instead, I took it to Fida container.

I took the bus 571 to Myöhätuuli. Once there, I used the computer for a little business and drank two cups of cocoa, and one cup of coffee. I talked with the counsellors and other visitors, and we all had a good time.
I was feeling very jazzy and hyper, and I was actually thinking of skipping the meditation class in order to surf on the internet a bit longer, but in my current state I realized that I actually needed some tranquillity and peace of mind.

About at six o’clock in the evening I took the bus 311 to Myyrmäki, then the I train to Helsinki. Taking a bus to Helsinki would have taken a longer time.
I took a subway to Hakaniemi, and made it to the meditation class just in time.
The meditation class was held in a small apartment. I was in a very chatty mood and enjoyed talking with the others, but couldn’t help feeling like I was only annoying them.
There were six people, including me, we fit perfectly into the apartment.

I tried my best to concentrate on meditation, but my mind kept on wandering. I felt like there was a stormy ocean within myself, and I tried to calm it.
I also couldn’t stop my hands from wandering, I felt like I had never been so conscious about the way my stomach burbled and my scalp itched, and I couldn’t keep my back straight.
But then again, I have only just begun learning meditation.

After the group it was almost nine o’clock in the evening, I was amazed at how time flies. The teacher told us that he will send us all a text message about where and when the next lesson is going to be held.

I took the subway to the city center, then the P train to Myyrmäki. On my way home I called my mother and told her about today.

Once home I tried to make my Internet connection work, but it simply didn’t work. It frustrated me to the point of no end, and after going to bed I started weeping for the first time in two years, I cried my eyes out and sang soft songs and hymns to calm myself.
I knew that tomorrow I would feel better.