March 30th, 2016


(no subject)

I haven’t updated my English journals for a while because I have directed all my writing skillz to my Finnish journals.
My Easter was nice, I spent the night between Good Friday and the Saturday after that at my parents’ home. I get along with my parents very well not that they have mellowed out during their old years, my father no longer yells at me and my mother doesn’t get these hysterical self- loathing spouts anymore, like she did when I was at pre-school.

Last night, after scrubbing myself from head to toe and washing the dishes, I went to bed. I lied awake many hours and wondered what was keeping me awake, was it the full moon? Then I realized I had forgotten to make my evening medicine, how about that. I took the medicine and went back to bed. I had a dream about quarrelling with my father, it upset me even if I haven’t quarrelled with him for years now.

After getting up in the morning about at ten o’clock, I took my morning medicine and put on clothes. Then I logged in to my online bank account and noticed that I hadn’t received the weekly allowance; usually I would receive eighty euros, and my bank account was still eight euros and ninety- nine cents below zero because of the usage fees. What now?
I knew that Suavecita would pay me a debt today, and my mom would always help me out. And perhaps I would receive the money tomorrow, I was going to have an appointment at the social office in the morning so I could ask for a food coupon.
Yes, I was going to have an appointment with my social worker and my ASPA worker, we were going to discuss whether I needed the services provided by ASPA such as weekly home visits, hobby groups and helpline where I could call in a moment of distress, even if they never answer. If I give up the services, I won’t lose my apartment, I can live here as long as I want.
And as for the food coupon, for the first time in more than a year, I have started experiencing hunger again so I have decided to start eating something other than chocolate, crisps and French fries again, and other than raiding my parents’ kitchen and eating all their cashew nuts and feta cheese. It’s really quite something that I went without regular meals for a year and didn’t feel hungry at all.

Okay, back to today. I went to the social office to inquire about the money, I was told that the Easter holidays had messed up the payments. I didn’t really understand that because the day when my social worker sends the payment is Tuesday, and yesterday wasn’t a bank holiday. Oh well.

I took the bus 39 to Konala. Me and my best friend Suavecita had agreed to meet today in Horror Shop, which is one of our favourite hangouts. It’s nice that the shop is a short bus- ride away from my home because I live right next to the border between Vantaa and Helsinki.

I went to Horror Shop, Perkele wasn’t there but the shop assistant Natte was there with her amazingly gorgeous blue- green hair. We talked about stuff and then I went to sit on the sofa and write into my diary.
Later Suavecita came over, she gave me the sixty euros she owed me, and also gave me a bottle of carrot- apple juice and a bar of light chocolate; it’s the kind of chocolate that isn’t completely white but also isn’t as dark as regular milk chocolate, and tasted a bit creamier that regular chocolate. She also gave Natte a tangerine, and asked her to give Perkele a bar of Fazer chocolate with whole hazelnuts.

We talked about stuff, and then we left. Suavecita drove us in her car to Vantaankoski, because there are more free parking spaces. We were supposed to take the train to Helsinki, but what do you know, the trains were delayed because, according to the loudspeakers, someone had been hit by a train. I wondered if it was a suicide attempt.

Fortunately the bus 322 to Helsinki was just about to leave. We were both a bit quiet during the trip to Helsinki, but once we made it there, we started joking and laughing.
We went to our favourite hang- out, a Mexican restaurant named Cholo. Suavecita ordered taco carnita, I chose a burrito with veggies and cheese and beans and chipotle sauce, if I remember correctly.
I enjoyed my burrito, but I had to use a fork and a knife because it almost fell apart in my hands.

After that, we went to the eco- market where I bought a tube of toothpaste. Suavecita bought coffee and tea. Then we went to K- Supermarket in Kamppi shopping center and had some coffee.
We went to Forum shopping center, I went to the bathroom to take a huge dump and I immediately felt better, I had been feeling a bit tired and my stomach churned after having a spicy burrito, chocolate and coffee. Taking a dump does wonders on your well- being.

We went to Aurinko, Cybershop, and Cubus, and then we decided to go see our friend Eleclya. We took the P train to Vantaankoski, Suavecita took friendship selfies of both of us.

Suavecita told me that she had heard some emo kids had laughed at my choice of clothing, I was wearing a pair of Care Bears pyjama pants. I didn’t mind, I’m happy when I make other people laugh.

Once in Vantaankoski, Suavecita drove us to Veromies where Eleclya lives with her mom. Once there, we hugged each other and I petted Hipsu, her dog who tried to chase his own tail. Eleclya’s mother was also there.

The girls had coffee and I drank cocoa. Later the day I left and hugged them goodbye, and then I went to the nearest bus stop.
While waiting for the bus, I called my mother and told her that I hadn’t received this week’s allowance. After she was done yelling, she told me she will help me out and told me to come over today.
I took the bus 571, but I was at the wrong bus stop and it went all the way to Tikkurila, where I took the same bus to Raappavuori.
Once in my parents’ home, mom gave me 20 euros. I left after my dad came home, I was afraid he would yell at me because I visited them all too often, but he barely noticed me, and told me to take care after I left.

I took the bus 565 to Myyrmäki, and went to Myyrmanni shopping center. I went to the post office and bought an Extra Small cardboard box, and then went to Citymarket to buy two other gifts to my friend Michi. I won’t reveal what they were because I don’t want to spoil it in case she is reading this (if Michi is reading this, hello baby girl! I love you!) I had promised to send her a gift on her birthday and also on Xmas, but I didn’t because I couldn’t afford the postage fees.
I also bought two bars of Marabou Japp chocolate, and two bottles of Frezza Mocca espresso.

I hung around from shop to shop for a while and then went home. I had to take a dump about three times today.

As usual on shopping days, I was so jazzy that I didn’t bother with having a wash, I just took my evening medicine and took my laptop along after going to bed.

Like I mentioned earlier, tomorrow I will have an appointment at the social office at ten o’clock in the morning, which is too early in my standards; I won’t probably have enough energy to make myself look decent. But then again, I have given up looking decent a long time ago.
I have to check if I have received money. If not, I have to convince my social worker to write me a voucher for food and hygiene products.

I will also have an appointment at the psychiatric clinic at half past one o’clock. I can’t remember whether it was with the doctor, or the psychologist, or the occupational therapist, or with my nurse.
In the evening I will go to the Sri Chimnoy center for a meditation class at seven o’clock.