17th June 2016


I can’t get any sleep, so I’m writing shopping lists. I simply love writing lists about anything at all, so here goes.

On June 22nd I will receive 210 euros, that is, my monthly welfare and the weekly allowance, and I will use it to stock up my kitchen.
Here’s to hoping I will be able to afford these all.

4 packets of rye bread
2 packages of toast
2 packages of crispbread
3 packages of flatbread
2 packages of beetroot- carrot wheat rolls
2 packages of cheese bagels
2 fillets of cold- smoked salmon
2 hunks of cheese
4 bottles of freshly squeezed orange juice (it has these nasty orange flakes in it, but at least it’s healthier than from concentrate)
6 cans of lactose- free milk (some of my friends are lactose- intolerant)
2 packets of butter
2 packages of each of my favourite cream cheese flavours; garlic, chives, fried onion, cold- smoked salmon
20 tomatoes
3 cucumbers
10 oranges
10 apples
2 kilogrammes of grapes
2 bags of carrots
2 potted lettuces
2 bunches of bananas
12 eggs
8 jars of instant soup
8 bags of just- add- water pasta
6 tins of tuna in oil
2 boxes of cereals
2 boxes of porridge flakes
2 packages of coffee
2 packages of decaf coffee
And finally, tea bags; vanilla, lemon, cinnamon- ginger, pomegranate, chili- chocolate.

I have decided to dedicate this year to renewing myself, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

Next week, after I have stocked up my fridge, I will start paying more attention to my diet. The main reason why I haven’t paid more attention to my diet before is that I cannot always afford proper, healthy, nutritious food.

I will keep this weekly routine when it comes to exercising. Today I will go to the natatorium and swim 125 meters/410 feet, and then go to the sauna for at least half an hour.
On Saturday I will wash my hair, and on Sunday I will go to the gym. I will have a brisk jog on the treadmill for half an hour, and then I will use each and every single one of the exercise machines, and on Monday I will wash my hair again. I think you get it by now.
I will also go for walks and bike rides as often as I can, and do yoga and the face muscle exercises every day.

I was supposed to go to a spa to have myself anally douched on June 29th. The treatment consists of three or more individual appointments, each costs 58 euros, but I have to spend this month’s money on stocking up my kitchen. Perhaps later this year.
Which reminds me, I might open a savings account for myself in a different bank than my deposit account, so I won’t feel the need to withdraw the cash. By the beginning of 2017, after the necessary Xmas food coma, I might need the treatment and actually be able to afford it.

I am also going to have the dry ends of my hair strands cut off regularly, perhaps every third month. I will use hair serum each time I wash my hair, and I will also start using Urtekram chamomile hair conditioner to make my hair a few shared lighter.

I will have my teeth whitened, I can easily do that with home remedies.

As for my face, I will use face wash, peeling cream, face tonic, and pore minimizer cream.

I want to have the hairs on my labia majora waxed because of hygiene, I always get bits of toilet paper or excretions stuck on them. I might also buy whitening cream for bleaching my anal/vagina area.

I need regular appointments with a beautician for manicures and pedicures and with a masseuse, along with foot massaging and scalp massaging.
Tags: ,

I saw two Tumblr text posts on my dashboard, reblogged by my friends, and they're the ones I relate the most.

"All I ever do is pick the dead skin off my lips & drink iced coffee"

 photo tumblr_mq4bgge5YX1r7y61oo1_500_zpsjyeutl20.gif

"Sometimes you just need to spray some rosewater on your face & move on"

On Wednesday evening I felt a bit better and happier than I usually do in the evenings, but right before going to bed I felt anxious again. I guess it was because I had read fanfictions about tough subjects like abuse and loneliness; I should also stay off Facebook in the evenings, I follow many social justice pages and they post content about even tougher subjects.
On most days, in the mornings I really don’t feel like anything at all except a craving for coffee, during day- time I usually feel bored and moody, and in the evenings I feel anxious.
To be honest, I would feel mentally better if I took better care of my physical well- being. Brushing my teeth, taking a shower, having a sweaty work- out at the gym, tidying up my apartment, spraying rose water on my face, going for a brisk walk and getting plenty of fresh air would do me a world of good.
And also, if I laid off the coffee and started consuming healthy food, I would feel better. Food is the best healthcare there is, and even if it sounds a bit wacky, your bowels are what effects your physical and mental well- being the most.
Speaking of bowels, I was actually supposed to go to a spa this month, to have myself anally douched, but I am going to use the money on stocking up my fridge instead.

When I finally fell asleep, I had dreams about Doctor Who, me and the 3rd and 5th Doctor journeyed inside an abandoned castle. Soon the dreams got warped and turned into erotic nightmares about my sugar mommy Missy.

My doorbell rang when I was sleeping, I went to answer the door. There was a person in work overalls who told me that they had come to pick up my television; I told them I don’t have a television, they asked me if this was the correct address and I explained them, they apologized and left.
I went back to bed and slept a bit later, and I got up about at quarter to five o’clock in the evening because I needed to sleep off the sleep debt. I took my morning medicine, took a shower and washed my hair with the new monoi oil shampoo and put hair serum on it.
Speaking of my hair, my scalp has become itchy again. I should start using the cortisone emulsion that my doctor prescribed for me.

I spent most of the day inside. I surfed on the Internet, knitted a grandma square from red, orange, blue, and green striped wool yarn, read the collected adventures of Sherlock Holmes, wrote into my diary, drank a worrying amount of coffee, watched Stargirl videos on YouTube, I also called my mother a couple of times.

I felt like my brain was shouting for oxygen, I was in desperate need for fresh air and I felt the wanderlust again. So I went out and walked to the library, but going outside made the delusions even worse, and the delusions made me angry and moody. I really should take up the habit of going outside more often, so I will get used to it.

I felt quite dramatic, like I had the need to tell someone how I feel right now, but instead, I just decided to keep calm and carry on.

In the evening I felt better, I made myself a cup of peppermint tea.

Tomorrow I will go visit my mother, she will give me 20 euros for the weekend. I might walk or ride my bicycle to my parents’ home for the sake of exercising. As for the money, I need to buy coffee filters, I recently ran out of them. I also need to buy more magic ink pens, I am running out of them as well. Fortunately they are in discount at the nearest stationery shop.

I will also go to the natatorium, this time I will try to swim at least five times from end to back, that is 125 meters/410 feet. Then I will spend at least half an hour in the sauna.

As it is Friday, I need to do housework: take the carpet out for dusting, iron the floor, wash the dishes, replace the towels, take out the trash and recycling, and iron the laundry.
  • Current Mood: hyper hyper
  • Current Music: Queen - Killer queen

I stayed awake for most of night, even if I knew that I was going to sleep more during the weekend. Fortunately I don’t have anything too special to do during the weekend, hobbies or parties or journeys or appointments. I have plenty of time to sleep off the sleep debt.

As for the weekly housework, about at half past two o’clock in the morning I rolled up the carpet and put it to the balcony to wait until I take it out for dusting. I also replaced the towels, washed the dishes, and ironed some of the laundry, until all of a sudden I started feeling sleepy and a bit melancholy, and went back to bed. It’s amazing how good even your own bed feels when you’re sleepy and sad.

I slept all the way to half past eight o’clock in the morning, got up, took my morning medicine, had a proper wash and dressed up. I made oatmeal porridge with honey and assorted seeds for breakfast, and made some coffee.

I went for a walk even if it was raining, I felt like I needed some fresh air. I put on the retro raincoat I had gotten from my mother, and went for a short walk around the forest-y area of my neighbourhood.
Once back home, I took a nap because I was still sleepy. When I got up, it was already past midday, and I knew I could go visit my mother.

I sent my mother a text message and told her I am coming over. I took a bus to my parents’ home, once there mom made me coffee. I ate some cinnamon rolls and feta cheese.
When I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I noticed that I have gotten a few pimples and my facial skin was a bit oily. I washed it with dad’s facial cleaning and dabbed some of mom’s beautifying lotions on it.

Mom walked with me to the old mini- mall and gave me 20 euros. I walked to the bus station and caught a bus to Myyr York, and went to Myyrmanni shopping center. I visited Citymarket and bought some groceries and a pair of new socks.

Once back home, I put my stuffs to their rightful places. I took out the trash and hoovered the floor, and then I pondered for a long time if I feel like going to the natatorium.

When I finally went there, I noticed that I had forgotten to bring along a towel. I didn’t realize it until now that I could have turned back and went home to fetch the towel, and then come back to the natatorium. But I decided that the small towel that I use as a seat in the sauna could do as a bath towel as well.

Once in the dressing room, I felt the delusions bother me again; I recalled the memories from junior high gym class when we went to the natatorium and how I was bullied there. Nevertheless, I managed to swim for 150 meters/492 feet, but I didn’t feel like staying in the sauna for a long time because the delusions were making me moody.

I went to the shopping center and visited Citymarket to buy a bar of my favourite chocolate, and a bottle of iced latte to cheer me up.

Once back home, I felt a bit better. It feels like a Friday, in a positive and sun- shiny way. I called my grandmother and a couple of friends.

I went out again, this time I went to Myyrmanni shopping center just to hang around and look at stuff I could buy. I also looked for stuff I could buy for my friends, I love sending packages.

Tomorrow I will finish the rest of the housework, all I need to do is to take the carpet out and dust it. I also need to wash my hair, and use the hair serum again.
If the weather is favourable, that is, if there’s not a thunderstorm, I might go for a longer walk or a bike ride. If not, I will knit and write, and perhaps go to a museum.
  • Current Mood: content content
  • Current Music: Queens of the Stone Age - No one knows