January 3rd, 2017


My new year resolutions for 2017

I will be as nice and kind and forgiving and loving and understanding as I can, to each person I meet.

I will go to the gym every other day. I will walk on the treadmill for an hour at maximum, and then use all the exercise machines. After I have become fit enough, I will continue going by the same routine, such as gym on Monday, shower on Tuesday, swimming on Wednesday, shower on Thursday, gym on Friday… And if I don’t have enough time to go to the gym, I will go for walks and bike rides, or do yoga and aerobics, or some simple stretches

I will start going to (art) museums as often as I can.

I will start washing the dishes every evening before bedtime.

I will order one product per week from online shops, like Etsy or Amazon.

I will start taking vitamin supplements such as omega 3, multivitamin, vitamin D, and something for my hair, nails, and skin. But only after my doctor’s appointment at the end of February, so I can be sure that they don’t interfere with my medication or cause me ailments.

I will start carrying a book and my current knitwork in my backpack, so when I go to a bank or health center or travel somewhere in a bus, train, or subway, I will have something to do.

I will completely stop cursing and swearing, whether in my native language or English.

3 spring rolls, please!

The last thing I wrote into my real- life diary last night was: “I wish my mood would get better. I hate being so miserable all the time when my life is so amazing”. It’s true; my life is amazing, but my schizophrenia prevents me from seeing it.

I woke up early in the morning to the feeling that I craved for Chinese food. Then I fell back asleep again, and had a dream where I was married to the DC Comics character Lobo, and we lived in a small council apartment near my old grade school.

I had a dream where I went to an art show that parodied British politicians and royalty.

I got up at midday, and I was already in a bad mood, I guess it’s my PMS. I took my medicine and dressed up, and didn’t bother with having a decent wash or eating a decent breakfast.

I went to see my mother right away, I called her and told her I am coming over. She said it’s alright.

It was snowing really hard, so I had to take a bus. Once at my parents’ home, mom gave me 20 euros. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, had coffee with mom, watched some old VHS tapes, and then I left.

There was a gorgeous sunset, it made the world look beautiful.

I took a bus home, and visited the department store and bought a ready meal and a can of soup, a can of milk, and some rye bread.

Once back home, my H&O worker came to visit me. We talked about stuff while I washed the dishes and ironed the laundry, after she left I took a bus to Late Winds.

I had a good time, drinking cocoa and writing into my diary. After the place was closed, I walked all the way back home, it felt like a real magical mystery tour.

Once at home, I warmed some soup in the microwave, and then it was time to brush my teeth and go to bed.

I didn’t hoover and mop the floor, and I didn’t go to the gym. But at least I managed to do plenty of other kind of housework, and walk home from Late Winds.

I don’t know if I will receive my weekly allowance tomorrow, I hope I will because I have a bill to pay, and I also need to buy groceries. If I haven’t received the allowance, I will apply for income support to get a grocery coupon.

Porn beautiful

I had some very pornographic dreams last night, considering that I read some porn comics before going to sleep.

I woke up when my smartphone rang, it was the social security institution worker who told me that my application has been accepted and the voucher has been sent to the pharmacy, so I can purchase at least one month’s worth of medicine.
I was overjoyed; right after the usual morning shenanigans, me and Mirette headed to the pharmacy.
Oops- a- daisy, I was told that the voucher had not arrived yet. Simply put, the voucher has been sent to the pharmacy, but has not yet arrived to the pharmacy. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

Anyway, me and Mirette went to the supermarket to buy something to crank up our blood sugar; Coca- Cola for hir, strawberry milk for me, and Shrovetide buns for both of us.
To those who don’t know, Shrovetide buns are ordinary wheat buns cut in half and filled with whipped cream, and either strawberry jam or apple jam, or sweet almond paste which is my favourite.

We took a train to Stick City, we were supposed to go to the bank to withdraw cash. Mirette remembered that zie had forgotten hir passport at hir own apartment.
We took a train to Hell City, then a subway to Heart Cape, and went to hir home where zie picked up hir passport.
We took a subway to downtown and took a bus to IKEA.
Mirette bought a new duvet set, and another Malfors mattress.

We took the bus “#% to Hell City, then a subway to Hell City. I carried the mattress on my arms and the duvet set package in my backpack.
Once at Mirette’s home, I took the mattress out of the plastic wrapping and rolled it on hir bunk bed. I also took the duvet set out of the wrapping.

We took a subway to Heart Cape, then a train to Mole Hill where Mirette went to my home, and I travelled to Martin’s Valley.

Once at Troll Mountain, I had to call my mother and ask hir to open the front door; usually in apartment houses, the front doors are locked automatically after eight o’clock in the evening (8:00 pm) to, well, stop the things-that-go-bump-in-the-night from getting in.

Mom gave me twenty euros (20 €), which is the usual weekly allowance. I was a bit puzzled because zie had agreed to give me extra money for the trip to Kangaskhan; when I asked my mom about it zie almost blew hir fuse and asked me if I have told grandmother I am coming over. I said yes, we have been planning it since before last Xmas.
My mom gave me another twenty euros, and then zie told me to wash my hair and change into clean clothes, and then zie said that I dress like a clown and all my clothes smell like shit.

I quickly shoved the bills into my change purse, and decided to leave before I would burst into tears. Mom straightened my reflective vest and cooed about how pretty my hair looks.

I took the bus ##% to Mole Hill and went to the supermarket in the shopping center.
I bought two boxes of pantyliners, a bottle of shampoo, a tube of toothpaste, and a bar of soap. I will take those to my grandmother’s home.
I also bought two bottles of iced coffee for myself, and some pizza platters. Mirette was going to make pizza for supper.

I was feeling withdrawal symptoms because I hadn’t taken my anti- psychotic medicine for two days, and I hadn’t also bothered to take my mood stabilizers and anti- depressants.
I had a headache, my eyes felt bulgy, I was sweating even when it was cold outside, and I was grinding my jaw; I do that all the time, even while asleep, but this time it was worse.
Now that I think about it, those are actually physical symptoms. I have been calm and

Once back home, I took my mood stabilizers, changed into nighties, put the hygiene products into the suitcase, and ate some of the pizza Mirette had made for us.

Today's deeds

Counting my blessings:
😍 I had nice dreams

😍 I ate plenty of treats

😍 I went shopping with Mirette

😍 My mother gave me money

What I ate today:
🍎 Shrovetide bun with marzipan and whipped cream

🍎 Two slices of pizza

🍎 Banana- chocolate ice cream

🍎 A cup of hot chocolate from Starbucks

🏸 Climbed up and down stairs instead of using escalators

Good deeds:
🎗 I told a person with blue hair that hir hair is gorgeous

🎗 And paid the same compliment to a cashier with pastel pink & turquoise hair

🎗 I told a cashier in a jewellery shop that their repertoire is amazing