February 12th, 2017


Valentine's sleepover

I spent the night between Saturday and Sunday at my friend Mirette’s home after her Valentine’s day party.

On Saturday, I spent most of the afternoon sleeping, I have been very sleepy for the past couple of days even if I have been doing fine and there has been no changes in my lifestyle whatsoever.
I felt very guilty, because I could have been wiser about spending my time; I could have knitted the quilt square, gone for a walk, tidied up my home, worked on my novels, anything at all. But then again, I felt calm and collected, as if I was sleeping on a giant lily flower in Heaven.
It made me recall the time when I first started taking medication for my schizophrenia, when I used to sleep about 18 hours a day, including the nightly sleep. Every time I was awake, I felt unhappy, anxious, depressed, and freaked out.
I guess I was sleepy because the medication is supposed to calm you down, and I became so calm that I slept like a koala bear.

I got up about at half past ten o’clock in the morning, took my morning medicine and had a proper wash, played a little Pokémon, and then I started feeling sleepy so I took a long nap.
I got up at every ten minutes to peek at my laptop’s clock, and what do you know, at first it was 2:27 pm, then 2:37 pm, then 2:47 pm. It made me chuckle a bit.

I got up about at three o’clock in the afternoon and decided to leave. I took along some of the stuff Mirette had left at my place during her sleepover, and also the chair she had lent me so I could fix my curtains.

I took a train to Helsinki, then a subway to Heart Cape. Suavecita and Eleclya were already at her place.

We had a good time, eating and drinking and being merry, and in the evening after Suavecita and Eleclya left, I stayed at Mirette’s home. I got to sleep on her newly bought bunk bed, it was an amazing experience.

I was feeling happy, actually very happy, but also a bit melancholy at the same time.

I had very happy dreams, that made me wonder why my dreams are always happier than my actual life.

I got up about at noon, took my morning medicine, emptied my mooncup, ate some of the leftover party treats, and then I decided to leave.

I took a subway to the city center, then a train to Mole Hill, and went back home.

I did some housework, and tried calling my mother but her phone went “The number you have chosen cannot be reached”. I collected my courage and called my dad, he told me that both he and mom are home and mom’s smartphone is probably low on battery. He handed his phone to mom, I asked her if I can come over for a while, and she said yes.

I took a bus to my parents’ home, I had a good time there.

I decided to go for a little walk because the weather was so pleasant; the air was breezy and balmy on my skin, and the sun shone a bit.
But in the end, I didn’t feel like walking for a long time because the delusions were bothering me. I decided to go to Helsinki, so I caught a train there and went to a few clothing and jewellery shops.

Once back home, I didn’t know what to do; I could have done all those things I wrote about, like do housework, write, knit, call my grandmother, stuff like that. But I didn’t feel like I was motivated enough.

In the evening I took my medicine, took a proper shower and washed my hair and body, and then I completely slathered myself in basic lotion, and went to bed, hoping tomorrow would be better.