April 9th, 2017


The guinea pigs have eaten grapes

Last night I had a dream where I learned sign language, and signalled “The guinea pigs have eaten grapes” to my mother. In another dream, I visited Horror Shop.

After I woke up, I looked at my smartphone and noticed that it was half past eleven in the morning, that’s when Late Winds is opened on Saturdays. I was still feeling groggy, so I decided to sleep for a longer time to gather more energy.
Either I wake up somewhere between 1 am – 7 am feeling hale and hearty like I could run a marathon to Norway and back, or I wake up in the afternoon feeling like a zombie fart. There’s no inbetween.

I got up later, took my morning medicine and dressed up. I wish there was a way I could motivate myself to both have a proper wash and eat a healthy breakfast.

I left right away. I went to the bus stop, where I ran into my mother. We talked a bit and then she went away.
I noticed that I had misread the bus timetables; I was supposed to take the bus %/! to Walnut Hill, but I had read the timetables of the same bus that goes to the opposite direction.
I took the bus #!! to Walnut Hill, and went to Late Winds. There was supposed to be this group for people who hear voices as a part of their illness, but it was cancelled because the counsellor was not able to come today, and they couldn’t get a substitute.
I asked another counsellor if he can sign me up for the group, he said yes.

I took the bus #”” to Helsinki, and went to the art workshop. Today’s topic was decorating pre- painted Styrofoam Easter eggs. I attempted to decorate them with felt- tip pens, but felt frustrated because the paint didn’t stick to them.
I looked at some of the classical paintings in the museum, and then I left.

I took a train back home, had lunch and coffee, and waited for my brother to show up so he could assemble the chairs.

I started feeling sleepy, so I took a long nap. I felt rotten, there was many things I could have done like go for a walk or do housework. After I got up, I still felt rotten because I had wasted my time. I wish there was a way to give up naps forever.
My brother sent me a text message and told me that he has caught fever, and won’t be able to come over to assemble the chairs, maybe next week.

I decided to go visit my parents, so I called my mother and asked her if it’s okay that I come for a visit. She said it’s alright, so I left right away.

I caught a bus to my parents’ home. Only my dad was home, my mother was at the sauna.

I had a good time, and later the day I walked to the train station and caught a train to my home.

Once back home, I relaxed for a while, and then I went to the gym.
I tried the pectoral exercise machine, and wondered if it was stuck; then I realized that the previous user had set it for the heaviest weight, about 140 kilograms.

Once back home, I took a shower and washed a load of laundry.

Tomorrow I will host an Easter party at my home, or actually it’s more like a get- together where people drink coffee and tea and eat chocolate eggs.

Palm Sunday

Last night I had a dream about the Doctor Who episode Blink, where Kathy Nightingale ends up being zapped to the year 1920 by a Weeping Angel, and ended up leading a full and happy life. In the dream, she started hosting a children’s TV show where she paints pictures on a huge canvas along with telling a fairy tale.

In another dream, I was in some sort of a summer camp, and waited for my parents to come pick me up a bit earlier before the camp ended.

I also had a dream about children’s hospital with plenty of toys lying around, and the nurses and cleaners and other workers dressed up as Batman and Superman and other characters.

In yet another dream, me and my parents visited a café where I was bought an orangeade popsicle.

I don’t know why, but I seem to have plenty of dreams where I am reverting to my childhood.

After getting up, I took my morning medicine and managed to have a proper wash. I didn’t eat a breakfast, and I didn’t drink a drop of coffee.

And what do you know, once again? I could have done thousand and one things, hoovered the floor, tidied up the bathroom, washed the dishes, taken out the recycling, or gone for a walk, but instead, I took a nap.

I know that taking a “power nap” might help you, but I take naps because I am depressed and anxious. It takes up a great deal of the time that could have been spend on something else, and I wake up feeling even more depressed.

Later the day I realized that the party guests would arrive soon, so I forced myself to get up. My whole body and soul hurt with the effort, but I managed to plant my feet on the floor and get up.

The first one to arrive was Eleclya, she brought some meringues and muffins she had baked.
Then Odessa came over, and then Riga. She brought Domi, her sister’s chihuahua whom she was taking care of, otherwise the dog would have barked the house down if he was left alone.

Suavecita was the last to arrive, she called Eleclya and asked if we wanted something from the shops. Everyone started shouting requests; cough syrup, a bag of crisps, a can of milk…

We stroked Domi’s smooth fur, drank coffee and tea and soda, ate the Easter treats; before Odessa left, she took Domi for a walk.

Riga and Eleclya were the next ones to leave. Me and Riga agreed to meet tomorrow morning in the shopping mall before we go to the bread line.
I hugged each of the visitors who were leaving, and told them to take care.
I had to take six tranquillizers, and then I called my grandmother.

Suavecita had to go out for errands, and Mirette went outside to chill out. I went for a bike ride in the forest.

Once back home, I changed into jammies, and ate some of the leftover treats.

I couldn’t remember if I had taken my evening medicine, or not. I take them at eleven o’clock every evening, it was already half past eleven o’clock p.m., and the Sunday evening department of my Dosett was missing the pills.
I took the pills, and filled up my Dosett.

Tomorrow will be a busy day, from morning to evening!
I will meet my friend Riga in the shopping mall, we will go to a bread line in eastern Vantaa.
I will go to a library to print out my account statement for the past three months, and my broadband and smartphone bills. Then I will go to the social office to apply for an “emergency income support” for the bills that are past their due dates, and for recharging my travel card.
Then I will go to Pearl House, then to Amos Anderson, then to Girls’ House.
I also need to do housework.

My plans for Monday, April 10th - Sunday, April 16th

Monday, April 10th:
I will go to a bread line with a friend.
I will go to the nearest library to print out my account statement and the smartphone & broadband bills, and go to the social office to apply for “emergency income support”, considering that the social security institution rejected my application.
I will go to Pearl House, then to Amos Anderson, and then to Girls’ House.
I will do the rest of the housework.
If I have enough time and the weather is fine, I will go for a walk or a bike ride.

Tuesday, April 11th:
I will go to this outing where the Pearl House attendants and counsellors learn about the history of Helsinki in different museums.
I will ride my bicycle or walk to my parents’ home; my mother will give me the weekly allowance.
I will go to the gym and attend an exercise group, and then work out independently. I will take a shower and wash my hair once I am back home.
If there is housework left, I will finish it.

Wednesday, April 12th:
I will receive money. The first thing to do is to fetch a package from the post office, and then go fetch my mended clothes from the dressmaker and bring another three articles of clothing to be mended.
I will go to a bread line with Riga.
I will have an appointment with my own nurse’s substitute at the psychiatric center. After that, I will go to another bread line.
I will go buy a week’s worth of groceries.

Thursday, April 13th:
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me in the afternoon.
I will go to the gym.

Friday, April 14th:
I will go to my parents’ home for a sleepover, as it is a holiday.

Saturday, April 15th:
My mother will give me the monthly allowance.
I will go back home, and do housework.
I will go to the gym.

Sunday, April 16th:
I will go visit my parents for the day, and do more housework.
I will call my grandmother, like I do every week.