12th April 2017

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PMS-ing like woah!

Yesterday evening I didn’t feel as anxious and depressed as I usually do in the evenings. I felt very content and cheerful.

While sleeping, I dreamed up an episode of Doctor Who; the tenth Doctor and Martha Jones had ended up in a quiet countryside village, where all the people started disappearing by generations; first grandparents, then parents, then older siblings. The children who had been left behind, believed firmly that their family members had gone to “Paradise” where they would go one day, but Ten and Martha thought it might have something to do with the flying saucer hovering above the town.

In another dream, I was visiting Iron Lake with Arlo. She held my hand while we walked along the road to my mother’s childhood home; I wanted to catch a glimpse of the cottage, because I knew that the property was sold to another family and I didn’t want to be mistaken for a prowler.
I noticed that there were tons of shopping malls, but not a sight of the cottage.

I also had a nightmare; it was a wintry midnight, and I was wandering outside, far away from my home, in nothing but a pair of panties.

I woke up about at ten o’clock in the morning. I went to the bathroom a couple of times to take a pee, I had drunk lots of water yesterday. I ate some of the lime- flavoured Dumle candies that were left from the Easter get- together.
I went back to bed, and got up later, feeling restful and cheerful.

I took my morning medicine, freshened up and got dressed, and drank a cup of coffee. I could have had a proper wash, but I didn’t feel like doing it.
I wish there was a way to motivate me to have a proper wash every morning and evening. Just thinking that my tooth will decay if I don’t brush them doesn’t seem to be motivating enough.
As for having a wash, I might buy some beautifying skincare products.

I went to see my mother; I called her and asked if it’s okay that I come over and collect the weekly allowance, she said it’s alright.
I hopped on to my trusty bicycle, and rode all the way to my parents’ home.

Once there, I drank coffee and orange juice, and ate cherry tomatoes, cashew nuts, feta cheese, cinnamon rolls, and a piece of raspberry yoghurt chocolate bar.
Mom gave me 20 euros. She also shaved the scruff off my neck with her LadyShaver, because she didn’t know how to operate my dad’s electronic hair- clippers or whatevsies they are called.

I left at the same time when my mother went grocery shopping. I hugged and kissed my mom goodbye and told her I am coming for an overnight visit on Good Friday.

I hopped onto my bicycle, rode to Small Mole shopping mall, and went to the stationery shop to buy a birthday card. I noticed that the magic ink pens were in discount, three pens for a tenner, and they had also added a new color, blackish blue, to the selection. I bought three, the new color, purple, and green.

I went to the supermarket and bought a sandwich and some vitaminized juice.

Once back home, I started feeling awful; I knew it was my PMS, I was in a manic panic and the delusions bothered me.

I called my mother and talked with her a bit, and we agreed that I can come for a visit tomorrow. It calmed me down a lot.

I went to visit the bank, and asked the teller to help me get an app for logging into the online bank service on my smartphone.
After that, I went to visit the social office to apply for income support, since the social security office had rejected my application.
I needed income support for the broadband & smartphone bills that my social worker had not paid, the expensive anti- psychotic prescription medicine, and recharging my travel card so I can travel in the metropolitan area.

I went back home, and felt absolutely furious and psychotic; I downed some tranquillizers, and soon my hands started to shake and I felt like my mind was a TV that showed nothing but static.
I noticed that reading a book made me feel better, but writing into my diary made me feel worse.

Later the day I decided to go thrift store prowling. I took the bus %&= to eastern Helsinki, then a subway to the city center, then a tram to the street where one of my favorite thrift stores resided, but it was already closed for the day as it was eight o’clock in the evening.

I popped to the department store in the city center, to look at the skincare products. I am thinking of buying a facial wash gel for sensitive skin, with rosewater and jasmine oil. I will also buy a beautifying face cream and some kind of facial scrub. I think they will motivate me enough to have a proper wash every morning and evening.

I took a train back home, and felt better and calmer. I was thinking of visiting some shops, but they were already closed, ha ha.
I drank some coffee, wrote into my diary, plugged my smartphone to the charger, and took my evening medicine.

I worked on this month’s greeting cards, I wrote my address, the receiver’s address, greetings and signature, tomorrow I will buy ten first- class postage stamps to mail them.

Tomorrow I will receive the weekly allowance from the social office. The first thing to do is to order a comic book from my friend’s independent store.
Then I will go to the dressmaker’s to pick up my mended dresses, and take another three articles of clothing to get mended.
Then I am going to buy groceries; I don’t need to buy them that much, considering that I will be go for a sleepover at my parents’ home on Friday, and that’s when I will receive more money.
I will also buy skincare products, I am also going to buy at least one type of underwear; an elastic girdle from Lindex, a pair of black cotton panties, a proper brassiere, a pair of sports socks, a nightshirt with an ankle- length hem, or then order a pair of design socks from HappySocks.
I will go to movies with Eleclya, we will go see Power Rangers.

On Thursday, my HoivaOnni worker will visit me at two o’clock in the afternoon. I will go to the gym, and perhaps go see a movie.

Friday is Good Friday, that is a holiday. I will go to my parents’ home for a sleepover, and bring my diary, nightshirt, laptop, smartphone charger, and hygiene products.
My mother will give me the monthly allowance.

On Saturday, I will go to movies to see either Power Rangers, or Ghost in the Shell. After that, I will go back home, do the basic housework, and then go shopping with the money my mother gave me. I will buy new underwear.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents like every Sunday. I will also call my grandmother.
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I have the body of a Goddess!

I have decided to start wearing an elastic girdle around my midriff; just like most of the women in my family, I have a bulgy stomach and considering that I am not that chubby at the other parts of my body, it makes my proportions seem a bit off. And my clothes don't always fit around my tummy.
And just to let you know, it's not about conforming to patriarchal beauty standards, it's because I want to, not because I have to 😄 It gives a huge boost to my self- esteem when I think I look gorgeous. And it should also help me hold my back straight.
One of my favourite clothing shops in the nearest shopping mall sells them for an affordable price.

This year will be dedicated to taking better care of my physical health; I will grow my hair long, exercise a lot, whiten my teeth, take nutritional supplements, and there's also my diet to consider.
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You mighty morphin' Power Rangers!

I had had such an eventful day, that I found it hard to fall asleep.
Nevertheless, I managed to fall asleep, and woke up early in the morning as I usually do on days when I receive money.

I got up at half past six o'clock, took my morning medicine and dressed up, and went back to bed. I hung my right leg between the wall and my bed, actually wishing that the boogeyman would grab it.

I got up later, and checked the balance of my bank account from the online bank service on my smartphone.

I went to the ATM machine to withdraw cash, then I went to the dressmaker and paid for my mended clothes.
Then I went to the pharmacy, and bought a batch of two prescription medicines. Then I went to the supermarket and bought groceries.

I went back home and put the mended clothes to the laundry basket, dealt the pills into both of my Dosetts, and then I scrubbed the bathroom sink and toilet bowl, and swabbed the mirrors.

I watched blackhead- popping videos on YouTube, then I went out for errands again; I took three articles of clothing (a dress that was too tight around the bodice, a skirt that was too wide at my hips, a blouse that had a tear on the wrist) to the dressmaker to have them mended, and took a stack of books to the library.

I went to see my friend Eleclya, we were going to movies today.
I took the bus %/! to Taxman, where she lives with her mother. Once there, both were home, including Eleclya's dog Hipsu.

We went to walk Hipsu outside, Eleclya told me that Hipsu once peed on the front door, and once he dragged his butt along the carpet after he had pooped, and once there was a dried- out turd hanging on his butt hair, he snuggled on Maya's bed and left the turd here. We both had a hearty laugh.

Once back at Eleclya's home, we grabbed our stuff and went to the huge entertainment center right next to her home.
I bought us tickets to the movie Power Rangers and also bought Eleclya a slushie.

The movie was amazing! I loved that three of the characters were people of color, one of them was a lesbian, and one was confirmed to be autistic. I also liked that the characters met in a detention, kind of like the 1980's movie The Breakfast Club. I also liked the backgrounds of the characters, each of them had had some sort of problems they were trying to find a solution.
Rita Repulsa was super sexy.

After the movie, the shopping center was still open, so we visited Gina Tricot and Hennes & Mauritz and had a hearty laugh at most of the clothes.

I hugged and kissed Eleclya good- bye and told her we will meet again on Saturday, we will go to Helsinki to see the movie Ghost in the Shell.
I went to the supermarket to look for skincare products, and bought some coffees.

I took the bus %/! to Mole Hill.
Once back home, I stayed awake late into the night watching American
Horror Story: Hotel
on Netflix.

Tomorrow my HoivaOnni worker will come for a visit. I don't know what to do for the rest of the day, but in the evening I might go to the gym.