May 19th, 2017


Here comes the Sun

Last night when I went to bed, I felt strange cramps in my underbelly. I knew I should have emptied my MoonCup, but I didn’t feel like getting up because my bed felt so nice. I hoped I wouldn’t get toxic shock syndrome simply because I didn’t feel like getting up from my bed.

That’s the one downside of using a MoonCup; when you insert it properly and comfortably inside your menstruating coochie, you don’t feel a thing and you won’t remember having it inside yourself.
Nevertheless, I have taken up the habit of emptying my MoonCup three times a day; in the mornings, during daytime, and finally in the evenings.

I had stunningly beautiful dreams about crocuses blooming through snow, going for walks, and visiting art museums; they provoked my thirst for life. When I woke up, I realized that I don’t need to be always searching for new experiences; they will come along, when I live my everyday life. Free your mind and your ass will follow.

I woke up early, but decided to sleep later because my bed still felt nice. I got up at one o’clock in the afternoon, emptied my MoonCup, took my morning medicine, had a wash, dressed up, and had coffee.
I wore one of my prettiest dresses; pink cotton dress with forget-me-not pattern, long hem, puffy sleeves.

I went to the library, there was the fifth anniversary of the knitting & novel reading group. I ate a slice of mud cake and a handful of grapes, and drank a cup of coffee.

I took a bus to Helsinki, then a subway to Grass Cove, and ran into my mother while walking to Lapland Spring. She was on her way home, we stopped to talk a bit and then we continued our own way.

There were only me, Minnie, Mella, Kenny, and some other visitors, but otherwise it was a quiet day. I went to see the art show upstairs, it was very interesting.
I ate treats and drank coffee, and later the day me and Minnie left together. We agreed that she is going to visit my home in June.

I went to visit Indian Bazaar to look for new dresses, and then I went to a shopping mall in the city center.
I visited one of my favourite clothing shops, but I was disappointed to learn that the hoodie I had wanted to buy was already sold out.
I was thinking of buying another hoodie from another of my favourite clothing shop; it’s a peachier side of pink, longline with a zipper, and on the back there is “Dare To Be Different” printed in big black Gothic letters.
To put it this way, I really dislike it when they make being unique, different, special a kind of a fashion item. You can be fashionable, and still feel like you are yourself.

I headed back home on a train, and went to the nearest shopping mall. I visited Hennes & Mauritz, they had all kinds of amazing clothes for sale, but it didn’t cheer me up because I was in a bad mood.
Nevertheless, I thought about buying a Coachella denim jacket with embroidered flowers, now that I couldn’t purchase the pink hoodie. It could make a neat “summer coat”.

I went back home, scrolled through my Tumblr dashboard, knitted, drank coffee, and still felt angry and bitter. I felt like I was on the verge of psychosis, and it made me feel even worse.
It’s like, I am trying to uphold this façade of being happy and cheerful, and when I feel sad, I feel like I am betraying the people who try to help me be happy and cheerful. One thing I haven’t realized yet is that being unhappy is another part of life; denying and hiding your unhappy feelings won’t make you any happier.

I was thinking of going to the youth group at the local church, but when I was about to leave I noticed that it was already twenty to eight o’clock in the evening and the youth group was about to end.

I took the dress off and put on a pair of trousers and a t- shirt.
The dress still needs mending, the armholes are so tight that they hurt my arms. I need to take it to the dressmaker and ask them to widen the armholes.

I went to my storage room downstairs to sort out my belongings. Soon I felt better.
I took my evening medicine, puttered around my home, and soon it’s time to go to bed.

Tomorrow, right after getting up from my bed, I am going to replace the towels, and take the sheets off my bed and wash them, and take my blanket, pillow, and mattress to the balcony to air them.
I will also take out the household waste and recycling.
My HoivaOnni worker will come for a home visit at quarter past noon. While she is visiting me, I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry.
After the appointment, I will go visit my mother. In the evening, I will go to a Red Cross youth group in Helsinki.


I stayed awake all night; I knew I could have fallen asleep if I turned off the lights, went to bed, and lied my head on my pillow. But I decided to stay awake voluntarily, because I wanted to look for stuff to give away to charity, and do housework.

I looked through every drawer and cupboard and shelf, and found plenty of “useless” stuff.

I replaced my towels, and decided not to wash laundry or take out the trash until ten o’clock in the morning. I respect my neighbours and want them to sleep well, without the noise of the washing machine disturbing them.

I sterilized my MoonCup by popping it into a boiling pot for a little while. My period is soon to be over for this month.

I took the sheets off my bed and put the mattress, blanket and pillow to the balcony. I had to keep the kitchen window and balcony door open to let fresh air in. The air in my apartment, especially my bathroom, was a bit stuffy after farting a lot.

After two o’clock in the morning I changed my nightie into clothes, and went downstairs to the storage room to rearrange my stuff. The cardboard boxes are already falling apart, I should buy plastic boxes where to keep my belongings.

Once back upstairs, I ate a bowl of oatmeal porridge for breakfast.

I was feeling bored, so I decided to take a nap on the sofa- bed to make time go faster. I slept well, and felt very calm and relaxed.

I got up at ten o’clock, and washed two loads of laundry.

Later, about at noon, I called my mother and asked if I can come over, she said yes.
I took a bus to my parents’ home, once there me and my mother had coffee and some treats. I helped my mother to load the dishwasher.

After a while, I left and went to the nearest supermarket to buy rye bread and milk, and this new type of iced latte that was flavoured like English Fudge, according to the package.

I took a bus back home.
It was a really hot day, it was about 20 Celsius degrees warm. I was in a happy mood.

I went home, and put the groceries into their rightful places.

Later the day my HoivaOnni worker came for a visit. I washed the dishes and ironed the laundry, all the while talking to her, and then we made a new appointment for next Friday.

I decided to go see Mirette, she was in a hospital. I took a bus to Helsinki and went to the hospital, we went to her room to talk about stuff and then she gave me her home key so I can go to her home to do housework, and bring her some clothes.

After that, I took a tram to the city center, visited a few of my favourite shops, and then I went to the Red Cross youth group.
There were plenty of treats; cherry tomatoes, soft chocolate cookies, raspberry juice, and coffee.
I didn’t feel like taking part in the musical quiz the others were having, so I wrote into my diary and ate the treats.

After the group, I took a bus to Ore, and went to the local poor man’s Stockmann to buy a pound of sugar.

I took a train to Mole Hill, on my way there I shared some articles on FaceBook on my smartphone.

Once back home, I took my evening medicine, made some coffee and out of boredom, I watched Doctor Who on Netflix; I watched the Christmas special Last Christmas, and then I watched some of the episodes with the 11th Doctor and River Song, just to catch up on River’s timeline.
I knitted the quilt squares, drank coffee, took a hot shower, and then I went to bed.

Tomorrow I will continue doing housework. I will also go to this mental health support group in Late Winds, then to the art workshop in Helsinki.
I will go to Mirette’s home to tidy up.