I stayed awake all night, because I was too busy knitting or watching Netflix on my smartphone app; I watched the rest of the movie Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and a couple of episodes of Transformers: Robots in Disguise. As you can see, I have regained my interest in both TF and TF2.
The knitting was really frustrating; the squares are supposed to be 18 centimetres wide when you knit 38 loops on a pair of 4 mm needles. I was knitting with thinner needles, and I had to unravel my knitting and start over again. Soon it turned out fine.
When the sun rose, I took my morning medicine, put on deodorant, and dressed up in one of my favourite outfits. I also put on a necklace with a tiny glittery plastic mermaid pendant, three bracelets, and earrings.
I went outside to sit on a bench in the yard, write into my diary and knit. I was thinking of going for a walk, but decided to go to the supermarket to buy milk and some snack.
Once back home, I tried taking a power nap but didn't feel like sleeping.
I washed my face and put lotion on it, to freshen up and avoid boredom. It made me feel better.
I decided to go to Lapland Spring, like every Thursday. I called Mella and asked her if I can come over, she said it's alright.
I travelled to Lapland Spring, and had a good time. I talked with Mella, drank coffee and ate treats, and then we went outside to have fresh air.
I decided to leave at noon, I had stayed long enough and I was already feeling dizzy and faint from the lack of sleep. I hugged Mella goodbye, and we agreed to meet again next week.
I travelled back home, by then I started feeling anxious. I took a few tranquilizers, but it took a while before the desired effect started.
I felt absolutely horrid; I started reliving some of my worst memories, and I felt like maggots were gnawing me from inside. My legs ached as well.
While I had stayed awake last night, I thought about Pollyanna and her Glad Game. I realised that this moment of agony taught me to put myself first instead of sacrificing myself for others all the time.
I had a good cry, and then I felt better. I felt even better after calling the national crisis hotline.
I have a burning desire to live a long and happy life.
In the evening I took my medicine and had a proper wash.
Tomorrow morning the first thing to do is to replace the towels and take the sheets off my bed, and wash them. I will take my mattress and blanket and pillow to the balcony for the day.
I have to take out the recycling and scrub the toilet bowl.
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me at half past noon, I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry.
I will go visit my parents, and go to an amusement park with my friends.