July 6th, 2017


Glittering career in mermaid avenue

I stayed awake all night, because I was too busy knitting or watching Netflix on my smartphone app; I watched the rest of the movie Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and a couple of episodes of Transformers: Robots in Disguise. As you can see, I have regained my interest in both TF and TF2.

The knitting was really frustrating; the squares are supposed to be 18 centimetres wide when you knit 38 loops on a pair of 4 mm needles. I was knitting with thinner needles, and I had to unravel my knitting and start over again. Soon it turned out fine.

When the sun rose, I took my morning medicine, put on deodorant, and dressed up in one of my favourite outfits. I also put on a necklace with a tiny glittery plastic mermaid pendant, three bracelets, and earrings.

I went outside to sit on a bench in the yard, write into my diary and knit. I was thinking of going for a walk, but decided to go to the supermarket to buy milk and some snack.

Once back home, I tried taking a power nap but didn't feel like sleeping.

I washed my face and put lotion on it, to freshen up and avoid boredom. It made me feel better.

I decided to go to Lapland Spring, like every Thursday. I called Mella and asked her if I can come over, she said it's alright.

I travelled to Lapland Spring, and had a good time. I talked with Mella, drank coffee and ate treats, and then we went outside to have fresh air.

I decided to leave at noon, I had stayed long enough and I was already feeling dizzy and faint from the lack of sleep. I hugged Mella goodbye, and we agreed to meet again next week.

I travelled back home, by then I started feeling anxious. I took a few tranquilizers, but it took a while before the desired effect started.

I felt absolutely horrid; I started reliving some of my worst memories, and I felt like maggots were gnawing me from inside. My legs ached as well.

While I had stayed awake last night, I thought about Pollyanna and her Glad Game. I realised that this moment of agony taught me to put myself first instead of sacrificing myself for others all the time.

I had a good cry, and then I felt better. I felt even better after calling the national crisis hotline.

I have a burning desire to live a long and happy life.

In the evening I took my medicine and had a proper wash.

Tomorrow morning the first thing to do is to replace the towels and take the sheets off my bed, and wash them. I will take my mattress and blanket and pillow to the balcony for the day.
I have to take out the recycling and scrub the toilet bowl.

My HoivaOnni worker will visit me at half past noon, I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry.
I will go visit my parents, and go to an amusement park with my friends.


It can't rain all the time

Today I felt anxious and depressed, it felt a bit weird considering that I haven't felt like that for a long time now.
I guess it was triggered by the fact that I stayed awake all night. It's not like I wanted to, I just didn't feel like sleeping  because I was too busy knitting and watching Netflix.
I thought of asking my doctor to prescribe me some pills for acutr insomnia, but I should also consider drinking less coffee and exercising more.

It felt good to cry all the sadness out.


Counting my blessings

🌞 I met my friend Mella
🌞 Stargirl book series
🌞 Pollyanna
🌞 Crying as much as I could and feeling better after that
🌞 My father's name day
🌞 I learned to put my needs first
🌞 Putting on a clean nightie that smelled of fresh air