September 21st, 2017


Add a little panic into your life

Last night I had a dream about one of my friends whom I miss terribly. I also had a dream about Michael Bay’s Transformers movie franchise, about beautiful landscapes, and in one extremely realistic dream, my dad drove me and my mother to Manse in his car. I have had so many dreams about downtown Manse, that sometimes I actually forget what it really looks like.

I got up at a little before one o’clock in the afternoon. It was too late to go to the novel reading & knitting group and I couldn’t afford a matinee ticket, so I decided to just hang out at home until it was time to go to the youth group at church.

I took my morning medicine, had a wash, and dressed up.

I spent most of the afternoon by myself, writing and knitting. I felt very comfortable, which is weird because if I stay inside my home a long time, I get cabin fever.

Later the day I left and went to a library, so I could borrow a laptop.
I started feeling like I had a panic attack; my heart lurched and I felt anxious and nervous. Which is weird because nothing bad had happened, or actually happened that day, it’s just my brain chemistry.

I was thinking of heading to the youth group, but buses and trains were scarce and I was still feeling panicky.

I called my mother and asked her if it’s okay that I come over, she said yes.
I walked to my parents’ home, once there mom answered the door.
I took a few tranquilizers, drank coffee and orange juice, and ate salmiakki- chocolate waffle bites, cherry tomatoes, cashew nuts, and dark grapes.
I watched TV with mom, wrote into my diary, and surfed on the Internet on mom’s laptop.

Later the day I decided to walk home, so I could have time to calm down.
I kissed my mom goodbye and told her I am coming again tomorrow.

I walked home, and didn’t have panic attacks or anxiety. I didn’t even start coughing even if I walked quite briskly, I might be able to go to the gym on Saturday.

Once at Hometown, I was thinking of going to the shopping mall but all the interesting shops were closed, so I went to the supermarket to look at wrapping papers and greeting cards.

Once back home, I took my evening medicine and drank the last cup of coffee. I put milk into it, and counted that I can take my antibiotics at quarter past ten o’clock in the evening.

I did the usual stuff; surfed on the Internet on my smartphone, wrote my blog template and diary, knitted the quilt square, stuff like that.

I made a couple of sandwiches because I was feeling peckish. I took my antibiotics, and then I went to bed.

Tomorrow will be a busy day; I have to get up early so I can wash my hair before the hairdresser, and start doing the weekly housework.
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me at noon, I will wash the dishes and iron a pillowcase while she’s visiting.
after that, I will go to the hairdresser and have my mullet snipped off (as you can probably remember, I had my hair shaved bald last Christmas and I haven’t visited a hairdresser ever since, and that’s why I have grown an ironic mullet), and have the dry tops of my hair cut off.
Then I will go visit my mother, and then I will probably go to a museum or something. Once back home, I am going to continue doing housework.