April 10th, 2018


I have had better days.

Today I felt a bit weird in a bad way.

Yesterday evening I had gone to the gym, but only managed to do stretches and calf-, thigh-, and butt muscle exercises, and by then I was so tired and achy that I felt like I was dying.

Once back home, I took my evening meds and went to bed. I woke up about at midnight to the feeling like I was actually dying, like my body was giving up.

Nevertheless, I fell asleep and had some nice dreams.

I got up in the morning, and didn’t bother with having a wash or eating a decent breakfast. I only took my morning meds, and got dressed.

I went to Twinkle café today. It was such a lovely weather outside, the sun shone and birds chirped and brooks babbled and it was so warm.

I traveled to Helsinki and walked to the café. Mella was there, and so were a few regular visitors.

I had a good time, even if I felt a bit self- conscious of my sweaty armpits and itchy face. I recalled some of my childhood memories when we were talking about school bullying and treatment for mental illness for young people, and they made me a bit sad.
I ate so many cinnamon rolls and chocolate eggs that I felt like throwing up.

I took two tranquillizers before I left, and then I walked back to the station and traveled to my hometown.

I went to the Late Winds youth group, except that I was an hour late. I gave one of the regular visitors, whose name starts with the letter E, an E- shaped second- hand pendant. I think they liked it.

I drank too much coffee, I guess that’s the reason why I felt so bad today.
I had a good time, nonetheless. After the group, I walked to my parents’ home. On the way there the delusions bothered me so badly that I was almost shaking with rage.

Once at my parents’ home, my mother gave me 20 euros. They made me a bowl of oatmeal porridge and rubbed my shoulders, I felt better after that.
I took a short nap, and then I traveled back home. I had wanted to walk, but I had walked enough for one day, not to mention that I couldn’t risk that I would have delusions again and feel worse.

Once at my hometown, I went to the supermarket and bought a birthday card for a friend, along with a bag of avocados, three cans of tomato- goat cheese soup, and two microwaveable meals.

Once back home, I put the groceries to their rightful places, and warmed myself a can of soup. After I had a full stomach, I didn’t feel like drinking coffee.

In the evening, I took my evening medicine, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. Soon I started feeling better.

Tomorrow, right after breakfast, I will go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for an hour.
In the evening, I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in one of the libraries in Helsinki.