September 19th, 2019


Why do I keep on feeling this way?

Last night I had an absolutely ghastly nightmare; Nazis won the World War three, and all people were enslaved.
Then I had nicer dreams that cleared my mind from worries.

I got up at two o’clock in the afternoon, because I didn’t feel like getting up earlier. I missed the knitting & novel reading group at the local library, but I didn’t feel like getting up.

I got up in the afternoon and took my morning medicine and biotin supplement.

The first thing I noticed was that I had a pimple the size of Jupiter on the left side of my chin; I squeezed it so hard it splotched against my bathroom mirror, and then I did the skincare regiment; face wash, face toner, face serum, face cream, and eye cream. I also put basic lotion on my skin and got dressed into a dress I bought from the thrift store last Friday.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said I can. I took a bus to my parents’ home.

Once there, my mother answered the door. We had coffee together.
I ate cherry tomatoes, dark grapes, slices of bun loaf, and a sandwich.

Later that day when I left, my father came home as well. He gave me a hug.

I took a bus back home, and now that I think about it, I really should take up the habit of walking there and back; I would become fit, and I would see many beautiful landscapes and smell plenty of fresh air.
Too bad that my bicycle has a flat tire; the back tire has become flat again, even if my dad fixed it. I would love to ride my bicycle like in that Queen song.

Anyway, once back at my hometown, I went to the youth group at the church.

There were plenty of treats; popcorn, chocolate, salted peanuts, watermelon, and crisps.

Later that evening, I left and went to the pharmacy. I bought more of my anti- psychotic medicine and basic lotion.
I learned that the prescription for my second painkiller still hasn’t been renewed, and I also forgot to pick up my mood controllers.

I went to the library and made all the Greater Good donations on one computer, laptop, and tablet, and also checked out the books I had requests.

Once back home, I felt a bit sad and unhappy.

I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

I decided to go outside; I took a bus to downtown, bought some crisps and chocolate bars, and then I traveled back home. Nothing and no one threatened me, but at some point I accidentally pooped my pants a little when I tried to fart.

Once back home, it was past midnight. I watched the second season of The Good Place with Finnish subtitles.

I feel like I don’t enjoy anything anymore. When I was younger, my life was much, much unhappier, but still amazing.
I think it is because I am 30 years old already; nothing is new to me, and I have nothing to look forward to except the next check.

I hope that tomorrow will be better.