October 15th, 2019


Today was slightly better :)

Last night I cried myself to sleep; I was sick and tired of arguing with my delusions all day. I have realized that I have come to some sort of crossroads in my life; I need to start fighting against the delusions and do my best.
Perhaps I would be less depressed and anxious if I exercised more and ate healthy food, but it’s exactly my depression and anxiety that prevent me from exercising and eating healthily.

I had weird dreams. I got up about before midday and took my morning medicine and biotin supplement. I drank coffee and scrolled through my Facebook feed.
I did the skincare routine and got dressed.
I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes. I decided to walk to my parents’ hometown.
It was such a beautiful weather outside; the sun shone, and the autumn colors were gorgeous.

Once at my parents’ home, my mother answered the door. She noticed that my t- shirt was sweaty, so she advised me to take it off and let it dry. She gave me one of her t- shirts to wear instead. She also gave me the weekly allowance.
Mom made me an omelet with some tomatoes. I also ate a couple of slices of buttered oat bread, a couple of chunks of feta cheese, and some green grapes. Then I drank orange juice and had coffee with mom.

Mom told me I can take a shower here and gave me a clean towel. I washed my hair and put some conditioner in it, and then I washed my armpits. After shower, I put on deodorant, put lotion on my skin, and mom put styling mousse in my hair, blow- dried it, and then sprayed hairspray in it. I looked dashing!

I hugged her and then I left. I walked to the train station and took a train to downtown.
I walked to Twinkle café; Mella and Raija and another woman were there.
I made myself a cucumber- and- cheese sandwich and ate a couple of slices of carrot cake (yum, my favorite!). We had a nice talk with each other.

I combed my hair and accidentally pricked the tip of my nose with the tooth of the comb; it started to bleed, and I had to put a band- aid on it.

Later that day I left. I took a tram to downtown and then a train back home. I went to the dressmaker and paid him for the mending of my clothes, then I went to the thrift store next door and bought a new nightshirt.
I went to the supermarket and bought two spools of striped knitting yarn, a reflective Pink Ribbon shopping bag, a box of coffee grounds, a packet of cocoa powder, and a bag of sugar. Then I went back and bought late birthday gifts for Mirette; shower gel, shampoo, and conditioner.
The last thing to do was to go to a department store and buy a neon green safety vest with reflective stripes.

I went back home, put everything to their rightful places, sorted out the recycling, and washed a load of laundry.

In the evening I went to the library and returned some books. I used four computers, one laptop, and one tablet to make the daily donations on Greater Good.
After that, I went to the shopping mall and visited the organic drug store to buy five pocket- sized packets of bamboo paper tissues.

Once back home, I hung the laundry on the drying racks, and washed another load. I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

I cut my own fringe, because I couldn’t afford the hairdresser. I will call it tomorrow to have the appointment cancelled.

I cleaned my teeth properly; flossed, brushed my tongue, and then brushed my teeth.

I made an online appointment at the health center, I have a lots of health issues; both of my breasts have started hurting, this time worse than ever. My breasts usually get a bit tender before my period, but I also have a lumpy feeling in my right breast.
My right shoulder has also started hurting again, even if I have taken my painkillers as usual.
My neck is a bit crooked, it looks as if it leans to my left. I want to know if there is something wrong with my spine.
Another thing is that I constantly sniffle and blow my nose, I might be allergic to something.

Tomorrow I will go to the library for the usual charitable business, and then I will go to the pharmacy to pick up more Nasonex. In the evening, I will go to the knitting & novel reading group in a library downtown.
I also need to call the hairdresser and have Friday’s appointment cancelled.

On Thursday, I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in the library in my hometown. After that, I will do the usual charitable business.
I will meet Mirette, we will go to the grand opening party of a new shopping mall downtown. After that, I will go to the youth group in the church in my hometown.

On Friday, I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest. I will order a ticket to the health and wellness fair, and then I will go to the supermarket to have my travel card recharged. I will go to the library for the usual charitable business.
After that, I will go see my parents so that my mother can give me the monthly allowance along with my father’s weekly allowance because I won’t be able to pick it up on Sunday.

On Saturday, I will go visit my friend Rige. I will give her a birthday card that she will give to her daughter who has her birthday next week. After that, Mirette will come over for a sleepover.
Once back home, I will do the usual housework; replace the towels, take out the recycling, and tidy up the bathroom.

On Sunday, I will go to the health and wellness fair with Mirette. In the evening, we will go to the amusement park a short walk away from the fair. I will go to my favorite rides.