Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼 (kattidya) wrote,
Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼

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I'm a bit worried right now...

As I wrote earlier, the social office pays me 100 euros a week as a grocery money. I'm a loner, and also a vegetarian who eats very little, so it should be enough for a week; remember, it's not only for food, but also things like toilet paper, household paper, sanitary pads, detergents, shampoos etc.
I haven't bought anything extra this week if you don't count the daily amount of chocolate, four chocolate eggs, the bedside table lamp and also the two light bulbs, but they didn't cost much. I didn't buy crisps, diaries or anything else I usually manage to squander my income for.
And right now I have enough cents to afford tomorrow's amount of chocolate, and I am slowly running out of food and tooth paste.
Luckily I will receive my weekly allowance the day after tomorrow, so I'm okay. Besides I have porridge ingredients, it's the one thing that prevents me from dying of starvation.

The one thing I'm also worried about is how me and my mother are drifting apart. I mean, we have never been the best kind of friends, but at least we have gotten along.
I still remember when I was being treated for leukemia, I used to stand in my mother's lap and look at her in her eyes, which were the same color as mine. I smiled, she smiled back, it was seriously the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
Nowadays my mom usually complains how I have gained weight. I hate it, it makes me feel so guilty and wretched. And the problem is that I can't answer her back.
I'd like to tell her that I don't want to lose weight unless I am morbidly obese, I want to eat chocolate.
I'd like to tell her that I love her so much, she's my very own mommy and I am grateful for her giving me this life, taking care of me, nurturing me and providing me with everything I need to grow up. She still helps me out in my financial problems, and I am still welcome to her arms.
Still we don't seem to get along.

I think I should lose some weight, or more like, start eating more healthily and exercising more. It shouldn't be that hard, all I need is a motivation to eat something more than chocolate and get off my ass every day. And if I start receiving more welfare, I will be able to afford the gym membership.

Yeah, there are lots of things in my life that could be better. I just don't know how to do it.
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