I would love to be happy, cheerful, open, helpful and friendly to other people, optimistic and all around more positive about things; I know my life would be a lot easier if I wasn't so pessimistic, but it's so goddamn hard to shake off 23 years of suffering, hate, shame and other.
I guess it takes many years of therapy and medication to finally become the person I want to be.
I guess it's a part of my mental illness that I view other people as evil; I have a feeling that if given the change, anyone would have something bad to say about me. I might just have a low self- esteem.
I hate it how angsty I feel, even if Christmas is coming. It feels like I am betraying the festive spirit and so on, if I don't always feel happy.
I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm drowning in hate and sorrow.